


To be With You

by Wishful86



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Canon Compliant, Communication, Gen, M/M, Mentions Gordon, Mentions of Aaron's childhood, Self-Harm References, Support, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 23:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11091735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wishful86/pseuds/Wishful86
Summary: "You'll keep getting help. I'll do it with you."Robert meant what he said.Hope you enjoy.





	To be With You

**Author's Note:**

> (There are tiny mentions of Rebecca in this but no mention of a baby because I just can't deal with that. And thankfully because it's fiction, I don't have to. I'll just ignore all and everything to do with it- including flicking passed scenes. It works for me.)

With Adam helping out his mum on the farm, Aaron was extra busy at the scrapyard so it was with this knowledge that Robert slipped home in the middle of the day knowing that he was unlikely to be disturbed. He spread the leaflets out on the table, flicked open his laptop and settled down with a brew. He was determined to be more informed, to do his best, to- 

He jumped as he heard the front door opening, cursing that he’d forgotten to lock it, but relaxed as his sister’s voice rang through the house,

“Rob, I saw your car so I thought I’d pop in. Don’t ask but I need to borrow a saw,” Vic came bouncing into the room, clasping her hands together.

Robert raised his eyebrows, “How do you expect me not to ask?”

Vic rolled her eyes but then noticed the paperwork on the table, moving closer, “You working from home? Don’t tell me, Jimmy’s stomach making music again is it?” She’d reached across and picked up a leaflet before Robert could stop her, “’How to improve and maintain your mental wellbeing?’” She read the title and frowned, “Are you ok?”

Sighing and taking the leaflet from his sister’s hands, Robert realised that he wasn’t going to get out of an explanation, especially as Vic continued to read other bits of information. She looked at him with warm, concerned eyes, “Rob, if you need to talk-“

“It’s not me,” Robert rubbed a hand down his face, “It’s Aaron.”

Vic narrowed her eyes, tilting her head, “I thought he was seeing a counsellor?”

“He is,” Robert nodded, “This is for me. For me to understand more.”

“Ah,” Vic twisted her lips and then pulled a chair out to sit down, “Are you sure you are ok?”

Robert smiled; the concern from his sister was touching. He lent on his elbows, “I’m fine. I just- I want to help him. Properly.”

“Ok...I get the feeling that I am missing something,” Vic sniffed, “I thought you two were doing alright now. After the Rebecca stuff?”

“We are,” Robert said, firmly, sitting back in his chair again. Any mention of that woman’s name made him uncomfortable. He shook it off and took a breath, “Aaron has mental health issues, Vic, they don’t just go away.”

Vic nodded slowly, “I know that. I just- he seems better than he has for a while, that’s all.”

“And that’s the thing, Vic,” Robert stated, “He can seem fine. But he’s not.”

“Right,” Vic bit her lip and looked across at the table. “Has something happened, Robert? Oh God,” she fixed him with wide eyes, “He’s not self-harming again, is he?”

“No,” Robert said, quickly, “No, it’s not that.” Vic visibly relaxed but Robert could tell she wanted to ask more questions, he sighed and tried to think of the best way to explain. A memory suddenly came into his head and he figured it could help, “You remember the night that Aaron attacked Kasim?”

Vic frowned at him, “Yeah, I’m not likely forget that.”

Robert lent forward, “Do you remember why me and Aaron argued?”

“Rob, why are-"

“Vic, why did we argue?”

“Because you said Aaron didn’t trust you.”

“Exactly,” Robert said, although Vic was looking at him puzzled. He rubbed his hands together, “Vic, I’ve come to realise that it’s not that Aaron doesn’t trust me, it’s that Aaron doesn’t trust.”

Vic was still confused, “I’m not-"

“Aaron would struggle to trust anyone, Vic,” Robert interrupted, “It’s not me. Although, I admit that I didn’t help matters but the point is, if Aaron wasn’t with me, he’d still have these issues with anyone else.”

Robert could tell his sister was trying to piece together everything that he’d said. She wrinkled her nose, “So…you want to help him trust?”

“Yeah,” Robert gesturing with his hands as though she had got his point, “But not just that. I want- I want to understand it all better, you know? Then perhaps I won’t take things so personally and things won't get so bad again.”

“You can’t help being upset, Robert,” Vic argued, “Trust is important.”

“I know,” Robert agreed, “But I didn’t let him talk. We could have avoided the whole Kasim thing if I hadn’t shut him down. We needed to talk and we didn’t.”

Vic snorted, “You aren’t exactly the best at communication.”

“No,” Robert raised his eyes to the heavens and shifted in his seat. It was obvious from his research into helping Aaron that he’d probably help himself if he opened up more; didn’t make it easy though. 

“I still get the feeling there is something you aren’t telling me,” Vic said softly after a moment. 

Robert blinked, suddenly feeling like Vic knew his thoughts had drifted to their dad but then he remembered the thread of discussion and grimaced. He stood up, finally revealing what had been bothering him the most, “Aaron blames himself.” The words burst out of him without him really thinking about them, “When I told him about me and Rebecca, he somehow managed to turn it on himself. I-I cheated on him and yet, it was like it was his fault,” Tears pricked in his eyes as his voice got quieter, “It broke my heart. He looked so lost. I didn’t know what to do. I swear though, if Gordon wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him with my bare hands.”

Robert didn’t know when Vic had stood up but there was a supportive hand on his elbow and before he could register anything properly, he was being pulled in for a hug. 

“I’ve been so selfish,” Robert whispered into his sister’s shoulder and she pulled back to look at him,

“No, Rob,” Vic made him look her in the eyes, “Except for the Rebecca thing- which I could kill you for- you’ve done the best you can. You really have.”

“No, no,” Robert pushed away and swiped at his eyes, “I haven’t. I haven’t. If I’d done the best, then I would’ve acknowledged sooner that Gordon would never be gone from Aaron’s life.” Honestly, Robert doesn’t know why he ever thought different, after all Jack still weighed heavy on his mind, “Not completely. He cut too deep.”

“It’s not the easiest thing to think about though,” Vic tried to reason but Robert scoffed,

“And that makes it ok, does it?” He turned away from her and put his hands on his hips, “The fact that it’s not easy to think about.”

“No, Robert,” Vic threw her hands up, “That’s not what I meant.”

“If Aaron was diabetic or asthmatic or had some other kind of physical problem then we’d deal with it. We’d do all we could to help. We discuss all options, all treatments-" Robert ranted.

“And because it’s his mental health it should be no different,” Vic interrupted, understanding his point and wanting him to calm down. 

“My husband was raped as a child,” Robert spat out before he screwed his eyes shut and whispered it shakily, “My beautiful husband was raped as a child.” And that was why he wanted to believe Gordon was gone. Because the thought of what that monster did made him feel utterly sick. Utterly devastated. He couldn't process it. Wasn't sure he was meant to.   
But it happened. To Aaron. 

The supportive hand returned to his elbow. “I know,” Vic said softly, “It doesn’t bare thinking about.”

Robert opened his teary eyes, “He has to live with it. As well as everything else he’s been through.”

Vic nodded, everything finally slotting into place. She gestured to the table, “Sounds like you both do.”

The truth of that hung in the air. Robert retook his seat and lent on his knees, “He has these nightmares. Panic attacks. To see him in that much distress…It hurts.”

Vic sat beside him, “It will.” She was upset thinking about her friend. 

Robert took a breath, “But, and this sounds horrible, but when it’s obvious he’s not coping- with the nightmares- it’s easier somehow. I can calm him down. I feel useful. It’s when- it’s when his thoughts get messed up and- I can’t fix it."

“Oh Robert,” Vic squeezed his hand. 

“I tried to ignore it,” Robert admitted, feeling a wash of guilt, “Well, not ignore it, but I figured that if we got married that everything would be ok. He’d see how much I wanted to commit and we’d be fine.”

“That’s not a bad thing.”

“No, but it was only papering over cracks,” Robert ran a hand through his hair, “He’s always needed help. It shouldn’t have taken until now. Until prison made everything worse.”

“He has had counselling before,” Vic pointed out. 

Robert flicked his eyes to her and grimaced, “After Jackson, I know. But he wasn’t talking about anything else then. And it wasn't exactly sustained help. He went on the run to France.”

Vic nodded slowly, reaching to pick up a leaflet again, “So this time, there is no papering? You’re going to fill the cracks? Stuff them full of-” Robert scrunched his face up and she laughed, “Sorry, just carrying on your metaphor. Is it a metaphor? I always get confused-“ she stopped as Robert snorted and let out a chuckle, “What?”

“You,” Robert grinned, “You always manage to make me smile.”

Vic sat up straight and proud, “I consider it my sisterly duty.” But then glancing down at the leaflet, her shoulders dropped and she frowned, “Not exactly done a great job there recently. Or of being a friend either. Oh Aaron.”

Robert reached across and took her hands, “Hey, you have had your own things to deal with. Don’t you dare start feeling guilty. There is far too much of that around as it is.”

She sniffed and glanced up at him, seeming to have an internal debate, she finally spoke, “I miss Adam, Robert.”

Robert tilted his head and offered her a soft smile, “Should I put the kettle on?”

Vic shuck her head and pulled her hands out of her brother’s grasp, “No. No. Forget I said anything. You’ve got enough to think-"

“Vic,” Robert stopped her, “We’ve got all afternoon.” His sister searched his face; Robert pleased when she relaxed back,

“A brew would be nice.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because of Robert's face when Aaron was talking about Gordon's voice still being in his head and how if he couldn't get passed Robert's mistake then Gordon had won...
> 
> I swear, that was some of the best acting I have seen from both Danny and Ryan; Danny playing Aaron's thought processes and Ryan playing Robert clearly heartbroken by them. I may not be happy with most of the stuff in this storyline but man, you cannot fault those two.


End file.
